Marriage and Parenthood:
Preparing Our Families
for Eternal Life
Guided by righteous and loving parents,
families can unite to help build up the
and partake of all the blessings of heaven.
From the Life of Wilford Woodruff
Wilford Woodruff and Phoebe Whittemore Carter were married
on
they endured many trials, thus growing in their devotion
to each other, their children, and the
experience came in the winter of 1838, about five months before
Wilford Woodruff ’s call to the apostleship. As Brother Woodruff
led a group of Saints on a journey to gather with other members
of the Church, his wife became very ill. He later recounted:
“On the 23rd of November my wife,
Phoebe, was attacked with a severe
headache, which terminated in brain
fever. She grew more and more distressed
daily as we continued our journey.
It was a terrible ordeal for a woman
to travel in a wagon over rough roads,
afflicted as she was. At the same time
our child was also very sick.”
In the ensuing days, Sister Woodruff ’s
condition worsened, even though they
had been able to pause on their journey
and find places to rest. Brother Woodruff recalled: “December 3rd
found my wife very low. I spent the day in taking care of her, and
the following day I returned to Eaton [a nearby town] to get some
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Phoebe Woodruff
162
things for her. She seemed to be gradually sinking, and in the
evening her spirit apparently left her body, and she was dead.
“The sisters gathered around her body, weeping, while I stood
looking at her in sorrow. The Spirit and power of God began to
rest upon me until, for the first time during her sickness, faith
filled my soul, although she lay before me as one dead.”
Strengthened in his faith, Wilford Woodruff gave his wife a
priesthood blessing. “I laid my hands upon her,” he said, “and in
the name of Jesus Christ I rebuked the power of death and the
destroyer, and commanded the same to depart from her, and the
spirit of life to enter her body.
“Her spirit returned to her body, and from that hour she was
made whole; and we all felt to praise the name of God, and to
trust in him and keep his commandments.
“While this operation was going on with me (as my wife related
afterwards) her spirit left her body, and she saw her body
lying upon the bed, and the sisters weeping. She looked at them
and at me, and upon her babe, and, while gazing upon this
scene, two personages came into the room. . . . One of these
messengers informed her that she could have her choice: she
might go to rest in the spirit world, or, on one condition she
could have the privilege of returning to her tabernacle and continuing
her labors upon the earth. The condition was, if she felt
that she could stand by her husband, and with him pass through
all the cares, trials, tribulations and afflictions of life which he
would be called to pass through for the Gospel’s sake unto the
end. When she looked at the situation of her husband and child
she said: ‘Yes, I will do it!’
“At the moment that decision was made the power of faith
rested upon me, and when I administered unto her, her spirit
entered her tabernacle. . . .
“On the morning of the 6th of Dec., the Spirit said to me:
‘Arise, and continue thy journey!’ and through the mercy of God
my wife was enabled to arise and dress herself and walk to the
wagon, and we went on our way rejoicing.”1
Faithful to her promise, Sister Woodruff stood by her husband,
even when his duties as an Apostle required him to be
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away from the family for long periods of time. On
when Elder Woodruff was serving a mission in
him a letter, saying: “I know that it is the will of God that you
should labour in his vineyard; therefore, I feel reconciled to his
will in these things. I have not been left to murmur or complain
since you left me, but am looking forward to the day when you
shall return home once more to the bosom of your family, having
fulfilled your mission in the love and fear of God. You are always
present with me when I go before the throne of grace, and
when I am asking for protection and blessings upon myself and
children, I claim the same for my dear companion, who has gone
far from me, even to a foreign nation, to preach the fulness of
the gospel of Jesus Christ.”2
At such times of separation, President Woodruff also expressed
a longing for his family, combined with a resolve to do the will of
the Lord. On
company to the
“I have never felt more weight upon my mind at any time while
leaving my family to go on a mission than now. My prayer to God
is that He will sustain myself and family to meet again on the
earth as he hath done in the many missions I have taken on the
earth in the vineyard of the Lord.”3 Four days later his family
watched him depart from the Saints’ settlement at Winter
Quarters,
the settlement, he took time to look back at his family through his
field glasses.4
Wilford Woodruff rejoiced in the knowledge that his family
could be eternal. This truth gave him strength to endure the difficulties
of life. He said, “I have thought many a time that if I
labored until I was as old as Methuselah and by that means could
have my family dwell with me in glory in the eternal worlds, it
would pay me for all the pain and suffering I could endure in
this world.”5 The promise of an eternal family influenced his actions
toward his family members. In a letter to his daughter
Blanche, he observed: “We are all expecting to live together forever
after death. I think we all as parents and children ought to
take all the pains we can to make each other happy as long as we
live that we may have nothing to regret.”6
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Teachings of Wilford Woodruff
The blessings of marriage and parenthood
are far greater than worldly wealth.
The Lord has informed us that marriage is ordained of God
unto man [see D&C 49:15]. The institution of marriage, in some
communities of which we read, is falling almost into disrepute.
It is alleged that there is a growing tendency in this direction
among us. The cause is, doubtless, traceable to the increase of
wealth and the disinclination of young men to take upon them
the burdens of a wife and family. As we depart from the simplicity
of early days, we may naturally expect that this tendency
will increase as young men may be restrained from offering
marriage to young ladies unless they can give them something
like as comfortable a home as they enjoy under their parents’
roof. Extravagant or luxuriant habits of training on the part of
the girls will also have the effect to deter young men from marrying.
. . . The young of both sexes should be taught that it is
not necessary to happiness in marriage to be in the possession
of wealth.7
When the daughters of
join with them in marriage, instead of asking—“Has this man a
fine brick house, a span of fine horses and a fine carriage?” they
should ask—“Is he a man of God? Has he the Spirit of God with
him? Is he a Latter-day Saint? Does he pray? Has he got the Spirit
upon him to qualify him to build up the kingdom?” If he has
that, never mind the carriage and brick house, take hold and
unite yourselves together according to the law of God.8
It is the duty of these young men [in]
of
for the spirits of men, which are the children of our Father in
Heaven. They are waiting for tabernacles, they are ordained to
come here, and they ought to be born in the
of Babylon.9
I call upon parents throughout
induce your sons and daughters to walk in the paths of righteousness
and truth and to improve the opportunities before
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them. Do not let your hearts be altogether upon the vanity and
affairs of the world, but learn to appreciate the fact that faithful
children are among the choicest and greatest of blessings.10
The blessing that God has revealed to us in the patriarchal order
of marriage—being sealed for time and eternity—is not
prized by us as it should be.11
We should prize our families, and the associations we have together,
remembering that if we are faithful we shall inherit glory,
immortality and eternal life, and this is the greatest of all the gifts
of God to man [see D&C 14:7].12
Through parents’ teaching and example, children can
prepare to serve in the Church and remain true to the faith.
I have never had any doubts with regard to the truth and final
triumph of this work. I have none today. I have no doubts about
its dominion and strength, with the power of God resting upon it.
In view of all these things, the question which has arisen in my
mind, and which has caused me a good deal of thought, is, who
is going to take this kingdom and bear it off? Unto whom is the
Lord going to look to take this kingdom in its final triumph and
prepare it in its perfection and glory for the coming of the Son
of Man? To our sons and daughters. . . . Upon their shoulders
this kingdom has got to rest, when their fathers and elders have
passed to the other side of the veil. This is before me just as plain
as the light of the sun in the firmament of heaven. And when
I consider this, I ask myself, what condition are our young men
and women in? Are we, as parents, doing our duty towards
them? Are they trying to qualify themselves and preparing for the
great destiny and work which lie before them?13
None of us know what course our children will take. We
set good examples before them, and we strive to teach them
righteous principles; but when they come to years of accountability
they have their agency and they act for themselves.14
In our zeal to preach the Gospel to the people of all nations,
we should not forget the duties devolving upon us in regard to
the proper bringing up of our own children, instilling in them,
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when young, a love for truth and virtue, and reverence for sacred
things, and affording them a knowledge of the principles of
the Gospel.15
Let us try and bring up our children in the nurture and admonition
of the Lord [see Ephesians 6:4]. Let us set them good
examples and teach them good principles while they are young.
They are given to us by our heavenly Father; they are our kingdom,
they are the foundation of our exaltation and glory; they are
plants of renown [see D&C 124:61], and we should strive to bear
them up before the Lord, and teach them to pray to and to have
faith in the Lord as far as we can, that when we are passed and
gone and they succeed us on this stage of action they may bear off
the great latter-day work and
Those who live under what is called civilized rule, are taught
the moral law—the ten commandments—they are taught not to
lie, not to swear, not to steal, in short, not to do those things that
are counted ungodly, unholy and unrighteous in the midst of
society. When parents teach their children these principles in
early youth they make an impression upon their minds, and as
quick as children arrive at years of accountability, early impressions
will have an influence upon their actions, and throughout
the rest of their lives. Children so impressed and so trained, are
ever after shocked when they hear their associates swear, and
take the name of God in vain, and if ever they learn so to swear
it first requires a great effort to overcome their early impressions.17
It is . . . a great blessing to children to have parents who pray
and teach their children good principles, and set a good example
before them. Parents cannot properly reprove children for
doing things which they practice themselves.18
If we set a good example before our children, and try to instruct
them from their childhood to maturity; teach them to pray
and to honor the Almighty; teach them those principles that will
sustain them in the midst of all trials, that the Spirit of the Lord
may rest upon them, . . . then they will not easily be led astray.
Good impressions will follow them through life, and whatever
principles may be presented, those good impressions will never
leave them.19
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Wise parents will not allow outside concerns to
take precedence over their families.
I have long been satisfied that the devil was making great exertions
to drive a wedge in between parents and children, trying
to inspire and instil into the minds of the sons and daughters of
the saints those corrupting notions that will prevent them from
following the footsteps of their fathers and mothers. . . .
. . . How important it is that we should be wise fathers and
mothers, and that we should act wisely in instilling into their
youthful minds all those principles that will lead them to that
which is just, and to carry out in their lives the principles of
righteousness and truth. . . .
. . . It is a great thing to know how to act so as to gain the feelings
and affections of our families, that will lead them in the path
wherein they may be saved. This is a study and a work that should
not be laid aside by parents. . . . Many times we may consider business
so urgent that it must crowd these things out of our minds,
but this should not be. Any man’s mind that is open, and who
“Let us try and bring up our children in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord.”
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looks forward to the work that lies before us, will see and feel that
the responsibility that rests upon him concerning his own family,
and especially in the rearing up of his children, is very great.
We want to save our children, and to have them partake of all
the blessings that encircle the sanctified, to have them receive
the blessings of their parents who have been faithful to the fulness
of the gospel.20
Let us all look at home, and each one try to govern his own
family and set his own house in order.21
Each father should preside in his family
with kindness and righteousness.
When I was a boy and went to school, the schoolmaster used
to come with a bundle of sticks about eight feet long, and one of
the first things we expected was to get a whipping. For anything
that was not pleasing to him we would get a terrible thrashing.
What whipping I got then did not do me any good. . . . Kindness,
gentleness and mercy are better every way. I would like this principle
instilled into the minds of our young men, that they may
carry it out in all their acts in life. Tyranny is not good, whether
it be exercised by kings, by presidents, or by the servants of God.
Kind words are far better than harsh words. If, when we have difficulties
one with another, we would be kind and affable to each
other, we would save ourselves a great deal of trouble.
. . . You go into a family where a man treats his wife and children
kindly, and you will find that they will treat him in the same
way. Complaints reach me of the treatment of men to their
wives. They do not provide for them. They do not treat them
kindly. All this pains me. These things should not be. . . . We
should be kind to one another, do good to one another, and
labor to promote the welfare, the interest and the happiness of
each other, especially those of our own households.
The man stands at the head of the family. He is the patriarch
of his household. . . . There is no more beautiful sight on earth
than to see a man stand at the head of his family and teach them
righteous principles and give them good counsel. These children
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honor their father, and they take consolation and joy in having a
father who is a righteous man.22
A mother’s teachings and example can influence
her family through time and eternity.
As a rule, we regard the mother as the one who gives shape to
the character of the child. I consider that the mother has a
greater influence over her posterity than any other person can
have. And the question has arisen sometimes, “When does this
education begin?” Our prophets have said, “When the spirit life
from God enters into the tabernacle.” The condition of the
mother at that time will have its effect upon the fruit of her
womb; and from the birth of the child, and all through life, the
teachings and the example of the mother govern and control, in
a great measure, that child, and her influence is felt by it through
time and eternity.23
Upon the shoulders of you mothers rests, in a great measure,
the responsibility of correctly developing the mental and moral
powers of the rising generation, whether in infancy, childhood,
or still riper years. . . . No mother in
over her head without teaching her children to pray. You should
pray yourselves, and teach your children to do the same, and
you should bring them up in this way, that when you have
passed away, and they take your places in bearing off the great
work of God, they may have principles instilled into their minds
that will sustain them in time and in eternity. I have often said it
is the mother who forms the mind of the child. . . .
. . . Show me a mother who prays, who has passed through the
trials of life by prayer, who has trusted in the Lord God of
in her trials and difficulties, and her children will follow in the
same path. These things will not forsake them when they come
to act in the
Our sisters . . . have their duties to perform to their husbands.
They should consider his position and his circumstances. . . .
Every wife should be kind to her husband. She should comfort
him and do what good she can for him, under all circumstances
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in life. When all the family are united together, they enjoy a heavenly
spirit here on the earth. This is how it should be; for when
a man in this Church takes unto himself a wife he expects to remain
with her through all time and eternity. In the morning of
the first resurrection he expects to have that wife and his children
with him in a family organization, to remain in that condition
forever and forever. What a glorious thought that is!25
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