C H A P T E R 2 4
Teaching the Family
“Let us live so that the spirit of our religion will live within us, then we
have peace, joy, happiness and contentment, which makes such pleasant
fathers, pleasant mothers, pleasant children, pleasant households, neighbors,
communities and cities. That is worth living for, and I do think that
the Latter-day Saints ought to strive for this” (DBY, 204).
Teachings of Brigham Young
The family is a divine institution in time and in eternity.
If every person who professes to be a Latter-day Saint, was actually a
Saint, our home would be a paradise, there would be nothing heard,
nothing felt, nothing realized, but praise to the name of our God, doing
our duty, and keeping his commandments (DBY, 203).
When a man and woman have received their endowments and sealings
[in the temple for eternity], and then had children born to them afterwards,
those children are legal heirs to the Kingdom and to all its blessings
and promises, and they are the only ones that are [legal heirs] on this
earth (DBY, 195).
The ordinance of sealing must be performed here . . . woman to man,
and children to parents, etc., until the chain of generation is made perfect
in the sealing ordinances back to Father Adam; hence, we have been
commanded to gather ourselves together to come out of
sanctify ourselves, and build up the
sanctified and prepared for the residence of God and angels (DBY, 407).
Parents should teach their children to keep God’s commandments.
We see the infant in its mother’s arms. What is this infant here for? What
is the design in the creation of this little infant child? . . . You see this
foundation, the starting point, the germ of intelligence embodied in this
infant, calculated to grow and expand into manhood [or womanhood],
then to the capacity of an angel, and so onward to eternal exaltation. But
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here is the foundation. . . . Here is the first place where we learn, this is
the foot of the hill (DBY, 205–6).
I have often thought and said, “How necessary it is for mothers, who are
the first teachers of their children and who make the first impressions on
their young minds, to be strict.” How careful they should be never to
impress a false idea on the mind of a child! They should never teach them
anything unless they know it is correct in every respect. They should
never say a word, especially in the hearing of a child, that is improper
(DBY, 206–7).
Let mothers commence to teach their children while in their laps, there
do you teach them to love the Lord, and keep his commandments
(DBY, 206).
If you mothers, will live your religion, then in the love and fear of God
teach your children constantly and thoroughly in the way of life and salvation,
training them up in the way they should go, when they are old they
will not depart from it [see Proverbs 22:6]. I promise you this, it is as true
as the shining sun, it is an eternal truth. In this duty we fail (DBY, 206).
Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their
dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly,
never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them
to love you rather than to fear you, and let it be your constant care that the
children that God has so kindly given you are taught in their early youth
the importance of the oracles of God, and the beauty of the principles of
our holy religion, that when they grow to the years of man and womanhood
they may always cherish a tender regard for them and never forsake
the truth (DBY, 207).
Parents, teach your children by precept and example, the importance of
addressing the Throne of grace; teach them how to live, how to draw from
the elements the necessaries of life, and teach them the laws of life that
they may know how to preserve themselves in health and be able to minister
to others. And when instructing them in the principles of the Gospel,
teach them that they are true, truth sent down from heaven for our salvation,
and that the Gospel incorporates every truth whether in heaven, in
earth, or in hell; and teach them, too, that we hold the keys of eternal life,
and that they must obey and observe the ordinances and laws pertaining
to this holy Priesthood, which God has revealed and restored for the
exaltation of the children of men (DBY, 207).
If we do not take the pains to train our children, to teach and instruct
them concerning these revealed truths, the condemnation will be upon
us, as parents, or at least in a measure (DBY, 207).
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As parents lead by proper example, they help set a
righteous course for their family.
We should never allow ourselves to teach our children one thing and
practice another (DBY, 206).
We should never permit ourselves to do anything that we are not willing
to see our children do. We should set them an example that we wish them
to imitate. Do we realize this? How often we see parents demand obedience,
good behavior, kind words, pleasant looks, a sweet voice and a
bright eye from a child or children when they themselves are full of bitterness
and scolding! How inconsistent and unreasonable this is! (DBY, 208).
If parents will continually set before their children examples worthy of
their imitation and the approval of our Father in Heaven, they will turn the
current, and the tide of feelings of their children, and they, eventually, will
desire righteousness more than evil (DBY, 208).
Let the father and mother, who are members of this Church and
Kingdom, take a righteous course, and strive with all their might never to
do a wrong, but to do good all their lives; if they have one child or one
hundred children, if they conduct themselves towards them as they
should, binding them to the Lord by their faith and prayers, I care not
where those children go, they are bound up to their parents by an everlasting
tie, and no power of earth or hell can separate them from their parents
in eternity; they will return again to the fountain from whence they sprang
(DBY, 208).
Our children will have the love of the truth, if we but live our religion.
Parents should take that course that their children can say, “I never knew
my father to deceive or take advantage of a neighbor; I never knew my
father to take to himself that which did not belong to him, never, never!
No, but he said, ‘Son, or daughter, be honest, true, virtuous, kind, industrious,
prudent and full of good works.’ ” Such teachings from parents to
their children will abide with them forever, unless they sin against the Holy
Ghost (DBY, 209).
We can guide, direct, and prune a tender sprout, and it inclines to our
direction, if it is wisely and skillfully applied. So, if we surround a child with
healthy and salutary influences, give him suitable instructions and store his
mind with truthful traditions, may be that will direct his feet in the way of
life (DBY, 209).
Self-restraint and kind discipline help build strong families.
To gain the spiritual ascendancy over ourselves, and the influences with
which we are surrounded, through a rigid course of self-discipline, is our
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first consideration, it is our first labor, before we can pave the way for our
children to grow up without sin unto salvation (DBY, 203).
What did you promise your little girl if she would do so and so? Did you
promise her a present for well doing? “Yes.” Have you recollected it? “No,
it has gone from my mind,” says the mother. If she does ill have you
promised her a chastisement? “Yes.” Did you keep your word? You have
not, and the child forms the conclusion in its own mind directly that the
mother tells that which is not true—she says she will do this or that, and
she does not do it. It is an easy lesson for mothers to learn to pass their
time with their children and never give them a false impression. Think
before you speak. . . . If you wish to make them presents, do so; if you
promise a chastisement, keep your word, but be cautious! (DBY, 210).
Parents should never drive their children, but lead them along, giving
them knowledge as their minds are prepared to receive it. Chastening may
be necessary betimes, but parents should govern their children by faith
rather than by the rod, leading them kindly by good example into all truth
and holiness (DBY, 208).
I can pick out scores of men in this congregation who have driven their
children from them by using the wooden rod. Where there is severity
there is no affection or filial feeling in the hearts of either party; the
children would rather be away from father than be with him (DBY, 203).
In our daily pursuits in life, of whatever nature and kind, Latter-day
Saints, and especially those who hold important positions in the Kingdom
of God, should maintain a uniform and even temper, both when at home
and when abroad. They should not suffer reverses and unpleasant circumstances
to sour their natures and render them fretful and unsocial at
home, speaking words full of bitterness and biting acrimony . . . , creating
gloom and sorrow in their habitations, making themselves feared rather
than loved by their families. Anger should never be permitted to rise in our
bosoms, and words suggested by angry feelings should never be permitted
to pass our lips. “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir
up anger” [Proverbs 15:1]. “Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous”
[Proverbs 27:4]; but “the discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is
his glory to pass over a transgression” [Proverbs
You see, hear and witness a good deal of contention among children—
some of you do, if not all—and I will give you a few words with regard to
your future lives, that you may have children that are not contentious, not
quarrelsome. Always be good-natured yourselves, is the first step. Never
allow yourselves to become out of temper and get fretful. . . . They have so
much vitality in them that their bones fairly ache with strength. They have
such an amount of vitality—life, strength and activity, that they must
dispose of them; and the young ones will contend with each other. Do not
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be out of temper yourselves. Always sympathize with them and soothe
them. Be mild and pleasant (DBY, 209–10).
In my experience I have learned that the greatest difficulty that exists in
the little bickerings and strifes of man with man, woman with woman,
children with children, parents with children, brothers with sisters, and
sisters with brothers, arises from the want of rightly understanding each
other (DBY, 203).
C H A P T E R 2 4
C H A P T E R 4 6
Parental Responsibility
President Brigham Young loved children and believed in their purity before
God. Many of his sermons contained advice to the Saints on how they
should care for their children. For example, a small son of his had the
habit of knocking his spoon and his bowl of bread and milk to the floor
whenever it was placed in front of him. The child’s mother was perplexed.
Brigham counseled her: “The next time he knocks the dish from your hand
lean him against the chair, do not say one word to him, [and] go to your
work.” The mother did this. The child at first stood by the chair and looked
at his mother, then at what he had knocked onto the floor. Finally, he
crawled to the spoon and the bowl and placed them back on the table. The
child never knocked them from the table again. Of his wife’s action
President Young said, “She might have whipped him and injured him, as a
great many others would have done; but if they know what to do, they can
correct the child without violence” (
the principles he taught is evidenced by his daughter
him as “an ideal father. Kind to a fault, tender, thoughtful, just and firm.
. . . None of us feared him; all of us adored him” (LSBY, 356).
Teachings of Brigham Young
Parents are guardians of God’s children and are to train,
educate, and care for them.
We are the guardians of our children; their training and education are
committed to our care, and if we do not ourselves pursue a course which
will save them from the influence of evil, when we are weighed in the
balance we shall be found wanting (
Parents are responsible before the Lord for the way in which they
educate and train their children, for “Lo, children are an heritage of the
Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Happy is the man that hath
his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed [Psalm 127:3–5)” (DNW,
Parents, seek to honor your children; bring them up in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord. Teach them truth and not error, teach them to
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love and serve God [see Deuteronomy 6:5]; teach them to believe in Jesus
Christ the Son of God and the Saviour of the world (DNSW, 8 Aug. 1877, 1).
The mothers are the moving instruments in the hands of
guide the destinies of nations. Let the mothers of any nation teach their
children not to make war, the children would grow up and never enter into
it. Let the mothers teach their children, “War, war upon your enemies, yes,
war to the hilt!” and they will be filled with this spirit. Consequently, you
see at once what I wish to impress upon your minds is, that the mothers
are the machinery that gives zest to the whole man, and guide the
destinies and lives of men upon the earth (DBY, 199–200).
We can guide, direct, and prune a tender sprout, and it inclines to our
direction, if it is wisely and skilfully applied. So, if we surround a child with
healthy and salutary influences, give him suitable instructions and store his
mind with truthful traditions, may be that will direct his feet in the way of
life (DBY, 209).
Parents should rear their children in love and kindness.
Let parents treat their children as they themselves would wish to be
treated, and set an example before them that is worthy of you as Saints of
God (DNW, 7 Dec. 1864, 2).
Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their
dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly,
never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them
to love you rather than to fear you (DBY, 207).
In our daily pursuits in life, of whatever nature and kind, Latter-day
Saints . . . should maintain a uniform and even temper, both when at home
and when abroad. They should not suffer reverses and unpleasant circumstances
to sour their natures and render them fretful and unsocial at
home, speaking words full of bitterness and biting acrimony to their wives
and children, creating gloom and sorrow in their habitations, making
themselves feared rather than loved by their families. Anger should never
be permitted to rise in our bosoms, and words suggested by angry feelings
should never be permitted to pass our lips. “A soft answer turneth away
wrath, but grievous words stir up anger [Proverbs 15:1].” “Wrath is cruel,
and anger is outrageous;” but “the discretion of a man deferreth his anger;
and it is his glory to pass over a transgression [Proverbs
203–4).
In passing through the world I see that the most of parents are very
anxious to govern and control their children. As far as my observations
have gone I have seen more parents who were unable to control
themselves than I ever saw who were unable to control their children. If a
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mother wishes to control her child, in the first place let her learn to
control herself, then she may be successful in bringing the child into
perfect subjection to her will. But if she does not control herself how can
she expect a child,—an infant in understanding—to be more wise,
prudent and better than one of grown age and matured? (DNSW, 12 July
1870, 2).
Parents should never drive their children, but lead them along, giving
them knowledge as their minds are prepared to receive it. Chastening may
be necessary, . . . but parents should govern their children by faith rather
than by the rod, leading them kindly by good example into all truth and
holiness [see D&C 121:43] (DBY, 208).
We cannot chastise a child for doing that which is contrary to our wills,
if he knows no better; but when our children are taught better and know
what is required of them, if they then rebel, of course, they expect to be
chastised, and it is perfectly right that they should be (DNSW, 8 July 1873, 1).
I will here say to parents, that kind words and loving actions towards
children, will subdue their uneducated nature a great deal better than the
rod, or, in other words, than physical punishment. Although it is written
that, “The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself bringeth
his mother to shame [Proverbs 29:15],” and, “He that spareth his rod
hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes [Proverbs
Children who have lived in the sunbeams of parental kindness and affection,
when made aware of a parent’s displeasure, and receive a kind
reproof from parental lips, are more thoroughly chastened than by any
physical punishment that could be applied to their persons (DNW, 7 Dec.
1864, 2).
I can pick out scores of men in this congregation who have driven their
children from them by using the wooden rod. Where there is severity
there is no affection or filial feeling in the hearts of either party; the
children would rather be away from father than be with him (DBY, 203).
It is not by the whip or the rod that we can make obedient children; but
it is by faith and by prayer, and by setting a good example before them
(DNW, 9 Aug. 1865, 3).
I do not believe in making my authority as a husband or a father known
by brute force; but by a superior intelligence—by showing them that I am
capable of teaching them. . . . If the Lord has placed me to be the head of
a family, let me be so in all humility and patience, not as a tyrannical ruler,
but as a faithful companion, an indulgent and affectionate father, a
thoughtful and unassuming superior; let me be honored in my station
through faithful diligence, and be fully capable, by the aid of God’s Spirit,
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of filling my office in a way to effect the salvation of all who are committed
to my charge (DNW, 23 July 1862, 2).
At times our children may not be in possession of a good spirit; but if
the parent continues to possess the good Spirit, the children will have the
bad spirit but a short time. . . . Rule in righteousness, and in the fear and
love of God, and your children will follow you (DNSW, 7 Apr. 1868, 3).
Kind looks, kind actions, kind words, and a lovely, holy deportment
towards them will bind our children to us with bands that cannot easily be
broken; while abuse and unkindness will drive them from us, and break
asunder every holy tie that should bind them to us and to the everlasting
covenant in which we are all embraced. If my family, and my brethren
and sisters will not be obedient to me on the basis of kindness, and a
commendable life before all men, and before the heavens, then farewell to
all influence (DNW, 7 Dec. 1864, 2).
Let us live so that the spirit of our religion will live within us, then we
have peace, joy, happiness and contentment, which makes such pleasant
fathers, pleasant mothers, pleasant children, pleasant households, neighbors,
communities and cities. That is worth living for, and I do think that
the Latter-day Saints ought to strive for this (DBY, 204).
Parents should kindly and firmly lead their
children in righteous living.
You ought always to take the lead of your children in their minds and
affections. Instead of being behind with the whip, always be in advance,
then you can say, “Come along,” and you will have no use for the rod. They
will delight to follow you, and will like your words and ways, because you
are always comforting them and giving them pleasure and enjoyment. If
they get a little naughty, stop them when they have gone far enough. . . .
When they transgress, and transcend certain bounds we want them to
stop. If you are in the lead they will stop, they cannot run over you; but if
you are behind they will run away from you (DNSW, 8 Dec. 1868, 2–3).
A child loves the smiles of its mother, but hates her frowns. I tell the
mothers not to allow the children to indulge in evils, but at the same time
to treat them with mildness. If a child is required to step in a certain direction,
and it does not seem willing to do so, gently put it in the desired way,
and say, There, my little dear, you must step when I speak to you. Children
need directing and teaching what is right in a kind, affectionate manner
(DBY, 209).
We should never permit ourselves to do anything that we are not willing
to see our children do. We should set them an example that we wish them
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to imitate. Do we realize this? How often we see parents demand obedience,
good behavior, kind words, pleasant looks, a sweet voice and a
bright eye from a child or children when they themselves are full of bitterness
and scolding! How inconsistent and unreasonable this is! (DBY, 208).
Children can be bound to their parents by an everlasting tie.
Let the father and mother, who are members of this Church and
Kingdom, take a righteous course, and strive with all their might never to
do a wrong, but to do good all their lives; if they have one child or one
hundred children, if they conduct themselves towards them as they
should, binding them to the Lord by their faith and prayers, I care not
where those children go, they are bound up to their parents by an everlasting
tie, and no power of earth or hell can separate them from their parents
in eternity; they will return again to the fountain from whence they sprang
(DBY, 208).
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